History

Some thing are so miraculous that you can call them miracles, some things seem like miracles until you understand them. And some things simply can't be understood. History is one of these things. There are generally two kinds of history. The first is the oh-look-I've-just-invented-air-conditioned-underwear kind of history. The second kind would be oh-shit-here's-Osama-in-an-effing-Airbus-and-I-think-it's-gonna-crash. Today was historical in the second way. Still, history is history and it still has to be recorded. This is a poem from an eye-witness.

All hail
All hail the Great
All hail the Desperate
All hail the Great and Desperate
All hail the Great and Desperate Stephanie
Who today was extra nice to me
Because she wanted to massage the shoulder
Of someone she badly wanted to see

This, of course, is very biased, and history should avoid being that. Therefore, this is probably the viewpoint of the person who got his shoulder massaged.

Oh no
Stephanie
Um
Run away
Step slowly
Around
Please don't see me
Darn, she saw me
Just say hi
nothing more
no! no!
keep your hands to yourself!
stay away!
not the shoulder!
please not the shoulder!
Aaaah shit.

A more concise version would be the shoulder's point of view

Oh no
Not again

But since history needs to show everyone's perspective, here is Stephanie's.

Oooooooooooooo
Must fake being nice
ok, now let's ambush him
one, two three
yay!
I touched his shoulder!
Woohoo
Go me!
I'm so happy
I'll never wash my hand again!
I'm so happy!

Cool right? ine might have been traumatising, but for the sake of a good laugh, let's hope history repeats itself

Undergarments

I realised, that my twelve year old brother wears XL underwear for five year olds. This means that he has interesting ons with clowns, aeroplanes, and tractors! I hope his friends find out. That'll be beyond cool.

debates in the drain

Those were the most pathetic bunch of juniors I have ever seen. Okay, so it's thei third session, but they should have at least got the basics down! The girls belong in guides and the guys in scouts. (no offense) They're that thick. The worst debater at moot still wouldn't compare. I mean geez! How hard can it be to understand what CLARIFICATION means?

And our new coach was a disappointment too. The school should've stuck with Shaun. I hope he warms up, else we're all doomed. Oh yeah. The return of the ngee yong.

I JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE!!! WHY ARE THEY SO CONFUSING!!!!

Bleah

These are things that disgust me

1. Sea cucumbers. Never looked at them the same way since Tioman
2. My brother
3. My sister
4. Frolicking
5. My parents. Never met any more hypocritical fish wankers than them
6. Ms Khoo. everyone knows why
7. Peeling skin, the sunburned kind, especially when it's falling all over my table
8. Brad Pitt
9. Kid with runny noses. They give me the chills
10. Starfish

Curses

Thanks kel, I'm fine. Except when I'm home of course. You wouldn't believe the isolation I feel everytime I'm home. Can't go online, no hp, it's depressing. Don't worry chris, i won't jump off a building or anything.

And THEN bloody fuck I lost my effing wallet today. Hell. My house key and ez-link were in there. Bloody effing toadstool. I am so screwed. It never rains but pours. This is great. Just another thing for my parents to curse at me for. Why? WHY? I'd rather have an enema. I feel like I'm having an enema. Bloody hell. BLOODY HELL what am I going to do?

Oh yeah, I wrote a nice song about Khoo today.

Lone Shoe

Still miserable, like a lone shoe on a highway, and my stupid sister's friends aren't helping. Eff, now I sound all mushy.

She's having some sort of birthday party today and the theme is pink. You wouldn't have thought it possible that a single person could wear so much pink but they can. Her silly friends giggle at EVERYTHING. What's more, they're GEP haters so there. Now they are watching some gay movie called Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, and man, they are bimbos, except not pretty, which means they are stupid idiots. My fingers are startign to itch from restraining myself. AARGH. And my mother is being all bimbo together with them. Isn't this fun? I'd rather swallow a swig of alligator bile than be in their prescence. Only someone with a bimbo sister would know how I feel

OBS

OBS was great. Kayaking was the coolest part, especially the sea expedition. It was really good except for te last 100m, when salt water got into my eyes and I had to row with my effing eyes closed, meaning that chris had to row harder. The jetty jump wasn't bad either, I went twice, but Alpha Male got scared, and according to Mervin, did breakdancing on the plank. He lowered himself to a sitting position, then LJ tried to persuade him to jump. When that failed, Chao Han shivered and breakdanced back to safety again.

The worst part would be the hiking, which felt like I was carrying Ming on my back. Not very fun. Then I was sucked dry by mosquitoes and sandflies and shat stones in the morning. I still have constipation. Kel stabbed himself in the leg and grew a tennis ball. Oh yeah, on the last night, my stupid watch wanted to sleep in the effing stall, which was infested with ants and cockroaches. Stupid twits. I managed to persuade them otherwise.

Today I am utterly miserable, like a lone shoe on a highway. You wouldn't understand.

Disappointment

Today would be about the most pissing day that I've had so far. GEEZ. What to the freakin judges have against my team? THEY WERE VERY VERY GOOD. and what about the opposition? MOE must have a thing against DHS. And don't call me a sore loser if you haven't seen the way the judges were treating us. Especially that Indian guy. MAN!

On a more egoistical note, I am most sad that I was runner up for Best Debater, runner up to a couple of boring goons. Damn. ANY DHS PERSON WOULD HAVE DESERVED THAT AWARD. Heck, I wouldn't care if i was rankwed last, as long as some dunman high person had got that prize.

This program has only showed me that while important but controversial issues are good for "academic exercise", the Singapore government is going to keep its tight, cold, undead, grip on power. Acitve citizen? Don't worry, Singapore can always count on me to criticise what needs to be sawn away.

perfect crew, partisan judges

Chris, Dessie, and Kel were brilliant today, and I had lots of fun insulting those nanyang twerps. They sucked big time and everything that we predicted, they said. Lean, mean, breeding machine indeed.

We should win best prop, but the judges were so bloody partisan. Geez, we so clearly blew away nanyang that they had the nerve to tell us that we didn't answer anything at all. If they WERE trained adjudicators, which they weren't they would see that our debate wasn't based on policy, but was a principle one. Come on, we FLATTENED nanyang convincingly. The judges deserve to be hung from parliament's ceiling. Just because they were society's most conservative member didn't mean that everyone else had to follow them. ARGH.

And there's this thing with ASIAN values. Oh my god, i could just puke. What the hell. The PAP just repeats that over and over and over again to kepp freakin people quiet. Let me ask you then, what ARE Asian values? Not the one's the PAP tells you, the REAL one. Bloody hell, Asia is such a big friggin place, how the heck are we supposed to have one, universal set of "Asian values". It's just a load of male cow manure. If anyone EVER repeats that EFFING phrase at me again, i will BLOW UP!

Godzilla in stomach

When people are really nervous, they get butterflies in their stomach. When I get nervous, Godzilla messes up my insides. Sure, maybe the Chris, Kel and Dessie have more to feel nervous about, but Godzilla is still here. I'm not nervous now, just have a sick feeling in my twisted guts. It'll hit later, just before the debate

It's when you realise, shit, my speech isn't out properly yet. Then you hands start tremblin

g, just a bit. Next, you feel your rectum tightening up (yeah, that sounds sick), followed by your voice stuttering all the way. After you hear your own voice going haywire, you realise, frick, I'm screwed. There goes the rest of your speech.
My sister was also being particularly annoying today, so i composed a rude poem about her. I can't stand the way she plays favourite and sucks up all the time. The worst thing is, she IS that stupid. I'm not being mean, because you should see the way she tattles on me to my mother. She's also anti-GEP, but her friends don't know that she had so badly wanted to get in. Now my other sister, the one in ACS, thinks she's so bloody smart and argues nonsensical rubbish at me. Bimbo.

My Sister
My sister is as stupid as stupid can be
Her brain is more wooden than a tree
From her ears greeen turnips sprout
She smells just like a rotten trout
My mother thinks she is so quick
But her skull is two metres thick
Sometimes you think that she is dead
Just because nothing goes on in her head
At two she started sucking her toe
From then on I knew she was damn bimbo
I don't know why she started ballet
Her dance moves alone bring down a chalet
My sister's hair smells just like puke
It looks like it's been bombed by a nuke
Of all her dresses, the pink one's worst
It makes her look like she's going to burst
I think my mother made a horrible mistake
When she decided, okay, let's have a third
She got confused and in the end did make
A stupid, slushy, pile of turd.

I am not blind

I wish people would just realise that i have two eyes in my head and am not blind. I am also not blur and stupid, i can deduce things. Go figure.

The Monarchy

The National Day Message was so full of bull you could hear it moo. The general gist of what PM Goh was saying went like "I am handing down to Son of God. he is good." All the stuff about progreesive society, but a planned progress, sounded so butt kissing. Who the heck would buy something like that? What's more, he was saying how wonderful Lee Kuan Yew was, then rolling on about how the new "team" would be great. I don't think he wanted to do that speech very much, just that God forced him to. Satying on in Cabinet? Hm. Another Senior Minister? Why can't the friggin family just let go? Oh yeah. Goh also said something about Singapore's leaders not going after power. He probably said that because it was the exact opposite of what was happening. The worst thing is, all the stupid bimbos on the street listen to this message, thinking they're so smart and chim, and in the end, believe it! It's never going to change. Singapore is a monarchy. A progressive society my left buttock it is. The NDP this year will be even more rubbishy than usual. What can you expect? I'm sure there are more capable leaders, just that no one wants to sacrifice their cushy jobs to start aa proper opposition, not the lousy, pathetic, clap trap, cowardly, self-serving one that we have now. Geez. And they try to keep Singaporeans loyal with the "everything is for your own good". The Singapore government is so bloody paternalistic. It would drive any thinking person mad. The problem is, so many people don't think! You can here the quotes everywhere. Singapore is safe. Singapore is clean. Singapore has a good education system. Singapore is developed. Singapore is far ahead in Asia. Well, socially, and politically, compare Singapore with Denmark, or Sweden, or Switzerland, and we're only barbaric cavemen who can only say "Ugh, PAP good, Ugha." Then we sing stupid, banal national songs that belong in a communist album, waving those freakin flags. Cultivating loyal, brainwashed citizens is what they want to do. Which of course, exlpains why they control the media, teach SS in school, make you sing the national anthem or get punished, curb your freedom of speech, tell you that they're wonderful. Oh ye mortals, open your eyes!

milo sucks

People should remember that two day fermented milo smells like shit, no kidding. And if you spill any, your room will become uninhabitable. Which is why, you should never keep tennis balls in your room. Alternatively, don't bring people who have terrible aim up to your room.

On the other hand, jacequelyn is in luuuvvv. Just buy her one small heart and she starts thinking about getting married. Jumps too far ahead, that one. Then, she kissed a barbecued neh three times, twice on the hand, once on the hip (hip level was as high as she could reach) Fortunately, she got convinced she had BO, unfortunately, she still tried to get on with the kissing. Never visit people when their little sisters LOVE you. Not very fun, but not very smart of you either

MPP

Some people don't even understand that some people think they're hard to understand. Some people should just move on for god's sake.

And other people are so ignorant that they think stupid things like gays wanting to marry people of the opposite sex. I mean geez. When the option that they want is available, what crazy psycho would want to do the opposite? You might as well say that straight people want to marry same sex. Thick right?

Anyway, I hope Nanyang is that thick, then we can win. They already are quite thick, seeing as they wear fans dangling from their necks and seem to have spilt egg yolk on their blazers.

Moot in 1 week...help

I hate physics. Two reasons, one because it's boring. and two, because i always fail. Chia and her hard test. Just the ego boost I need after making about 103 careless mistakes in the a math test. I'm already in physics remedial, not that that has helepd, since it hasn't even started yet

Oh yeah. Scarlett O'Hara resembles a lot of people i know

stupid chem

Ever tried taking a chem test while sneezing? I will fail...again. I've never passed a SINGLE ONE yet. And you have stupid bimbo guides exclaiming how easy it is. Just goes to show.